Already got asked if we're dating
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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