I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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