There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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