Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
