9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
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