Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
