I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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