Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
