i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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