im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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