I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
