Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
