im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
