nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
