there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Boobs are out for the taking
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
