I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
