census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
