is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
