Buhtt sex?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
