these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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