just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
