She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
They are going to name an STD after you.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
