I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
