yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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