it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
