Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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