do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
