All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
