I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
