My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
