was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
