let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
