I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Sponge bath it is.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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