also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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