can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
