I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You are the jesus of drinking
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
