I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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