He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Vodka?
Forever.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
