When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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