We need to rekindle our bromance
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
