He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
