Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
