I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
