1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
two words...techno handjob
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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