No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize