I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
