she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
