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whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You need a sexual gate keeper
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
