He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
foreskin is a definite game changer
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
