Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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