yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
