So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
