thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
