Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
