So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
