everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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