I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
