So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
