He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
