ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
