I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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