so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
