you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
