Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
