She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize