I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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