you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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