I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
