Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I want to fling myself into the sun
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
