i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
That was an excessively violent trivia night
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
