I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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