she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
