after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
