i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
