he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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