we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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