i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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