I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
