i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
